Hello

Welcome to my blog.  I hope that this site will become an enriching and worthwhile online journal experience, as well as a venue through which the wonders and mysteries of life can be explored.  Please feel free to comment and visit whenever you like!

A Note from My Little Corner of the World

I have decided...

that a post is way past due.

I apologize to you, my faithful readers. This summer, though a good one, was a very busy one, and left me with little time to blog. Aside from work, of course, was the inevitably busy move back to college, and it is only now (after being settled in for a good month) that I am returning to the blogosphere.

And what, indeed, does this world consist of?

To begin, I should mention that my first year at the University was a difficult one. I have no doubt in my mind that this is the place God wants me to be; no doubt at all. It's just been somewhat painful to return somewhere that was the place where I really broke my heart. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I love the mist on the bluffs in the morning, love the close-knit community, love my professors, love the bells that chime at noon and 6:00, love the cute college town my school is in– but I have to deal with some hardships that are left over from last year. On the upside, I figure that I made so many mistakes freshman year that I can't possibly mess up my second year without deliberate stupidity. So, as long as I keep myself in check and remember to trust, all shall be well.

A Few of My Favorite Things (About Being Back in College)

1. Bike Rides

Can I just say, I love my bicycle. Or, bicycles, rather. I have two. The one I brought with me to college last year is absolutely full of character. It was my grandmother's, and is: vintage, red, and says "Free Spirit" on it. Need I say more? Unfortunately, the Free Spirit suffers from old age, and I left it at my parents' house this year, instead bringing my newish mountain bike back with me. Although I miss the originality of the FS, I love how my other bike rides. Not to mention, this is a great form of exercise (and much needed, due to the fact that a good portion of my summer was spent driving and not being incredibly active).

2. Local Scenery

The "driftless region" of the upper midwest is not highly known around the rest of the country, but I believe it to be of exceptional beauty. Our campus is set in the valley of the sublimely wonderful bluffs, and since the school owns much of the land, I have the opportunity to take hikes through the woods any time I wish. Sometimes the most therapeutic thing I can do for myself is take a walk. Something about solitude in the midst of beauty brings healing, I've found.

3. Night Mass

Liturgy at 9pm on Sunday night has been a huge blessing for me. I'm a lector (usually for the second reading and the petitions) and I've felt that this is the right ministry for me to be involved in. Over the years many people have commented on my expressive oral reading, and it's been rewarding to use it during the mass. Also, I am so thankful for our priest. His faith is so evident in the way he truly cares about the students and makes an effort to get to know us. Not to mention, the time of this mass is very nice for a college student.

4. The Local Thrift Store

The local Salvation Army has become my new shopping haven. It is perfect for many of my shopping needs, for several reasons. First off, I prefer thrift stores to most other kinds. The prices are great, and the selection is sure to yield items that are unique and original. Also, there's just something about the atmosphere; you never know what you'll chance upon. My wardrobe has gleaned much from this store, but I have also found some nice decorative additions to my room: pottery, blankets, dishes, etc. Another nice thing is that I am within walking and biking distance of this very lovely flea market of sorts.

5. Letter Writing

I hope to resurrect the so-called "lost art" of letter writing while I'm away at school. So far, I have done quite well in this endeavor, if I can say so myself. I've made an effort to write to friends, relatives and clients from all over the place, including the Twin Cities, Wisconsin, Duluth, Fargo, Alaska, California, Ireland and Germany. I love to keep in touch through intimately written letters; I believe that an especially personal touch comes with a handwritten letter. (And it is very nice to find a reply in my mailbox!)

*sigh*

With that thought, I should probably get off the computer, as my roommates are getting ready to wind down and I still haven't finished my Plato homework for tomorrow. Adieu, faithful readers! 

Midsummer Musings

Greetings to my faithful and beloved readers. I regret that it's been so long since I've posted an actual entry regarding my thoughts, feelings and two cents on life and the world. Therefore, this post will have to serve at my attempt to reconcile with my long silence.

First of all, I'm back at my parents home for the summer months. It's been an adjustment, being back at home, not least of all because all five of my siblings are also living here. Despite inevitably losing some freedom by living again under the roof of my parents, I'm okay. College was truly a wonderful experience for me, but there came with it a lot of pain and I'm glad to have some time to recuperate before I jump back in again. I think I will be ready by the time the day comes to move.

Being home also means working; having a job and making money. This is good. My work-study job at the school library during the academic year was definitely not my favorite. Not to mention, having a bit of money is nice too; during the school year, 85% of my wages went toward tuition, so twice a month, I would have about $15 deposited into my checking account. I always tried to stretch it is much as possible at the grocery store or the Salvation army, but despite my efforts, it only would amount to a couple boxes of granola from the organic aisle sometimes a good steal at the thrift store, and a few dollars left over to save for coffee or a movie ticket. So, being employed is nice.

I really enjoy my job, too. I am a PCA, and for those of you not familiar with the title, it means "Personal Care Assistant." Basically, my job is that of an intensely focused role, between a babysitter and a social worker, much of the time. I'm more directly involved than a babysitter would be, (plus, as is the case with my clients who are children, their parents and I work together as a team through their issues) but less of a therapist than a social worker would be.  I love my kids like they were my own.

I've been thinking about all the changes the past 11 months have brought to my life, and I can say with certainty that it has been a dynamic year. I'm glad of that. Even though I've fallen flat on my face (metaphorically speaking), I've learned perhaps better than ever before to understand the grace that comes with picking ourselves up again. I've learned so much about who I am, and who I wish to become. I've loved and been loved, hurt and been hurt. And in the middle of the swirling vortex of what is life and existence I've realized: all of this pain and beauty is part of what makes us human. And I love having the gift of being human, and being alive. To wake up with each new day and breathe and to have the ability to make my love known to the world. It's a wonderful thing.

This past weekend my friend Destiny and I went to Lilith Fair, (for those of you not familiar with Lilith, it's an all-female music festival; like Feminist Woodstock). I was blown away at the talent and power of the music. Being a musician myself, I felt inspired by the versatile abilities of many performers. I've been playing the violin since I was 6, and I have decided that I would like to expand my instrumental repertoire. My mother used to play the acoustic guitar when she was about my age. In fact, some of my earliest memories involve her playing while singing "Blowin in the Wind" and "One Tin Soldier." Her guitar is in beautiful condition and I am hoping to take lessons this coming semester. I've been playing around with different melodies, so maybe by the time I go back to school I'll know one song.

Another skill I am hoping to master is language; particularly the Croatian tongue. I checked out audio curricula to help, and my grandpa has been teaching me some phrases as well. I hope that I will have a decent grasp on the language when my little brother and I travel out to the Motherland two summers from now (or at least that's our plan at the moment).

You know, I really wish I had some decent photographs for this blog. I don't have a camera of my own right now. See, being sort of an old soul, I had hoped to master film photography with my grandpa's old camera. I had a fun time shooting pictures, but was informed that my camera has a light leak; none of the pictures turned out. Maybe I'll give in and just get a digital. Until then, I will have to hope that my words are visual enough.

I'm really beginning to ramble now, so I will end this post. I hope all of my readers are well.

The Young and the Hopeless

As one of six children, I've experienced a wide variety of music through the years, swapping CDs with my brothers and sisters. This week, I found an old CD of my brother's and began listening to it with a new set of ears. The Young and the Hopeless by Good Charlotte, a 2002 album, was something I would listen to occasionally back in the eighth grade; in retrospect, it is an excellent presentation of music and lyrics.

The Madden twins, Joel and Benji, are the most recognizable of the band. Truthfully, I know little about the other members of Good Charlotte. What I like about the Madden brothers and the lyrics of their music is the message to never give up, to have hope, even when times are hard. The album features tracks that allude to the twins' father leaving their family, such as "The Story of My Old Man" and "Emotionless." The lyrics to "Emotionless" are very sad but touched with a feeling of peace and forgiveness:

It's been a long hard road without you by my side /Why weren't you there the nights that we cried /You broke my mother's heart /You broke your children for life /It's not ok but we're alright /I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes /But those are just a long lost memory of mine /Now I'm writing just to let you know /I'm still alive

My favorite track is probably "Hold On," whose message is exactly what the title implies: hope.

I definitely recommend The Young and the Hopeless. It's a good mix of the difficult feelings typical to teens; I vividly remember those times of anxiety and rebellion and wanting to break out of my shell; Good Charlotte provided a positive, encouraging and charmingly punk soundtrack to it.

Capuccinos and Poetry

One of my favorite things about University life is all the creative outlets I am allowed. On Friday, I participated from a collaborative poetry reading combining poets from both my private university and the larger state university at a bohemian style coffeehouse downtown.

I read two of my own poems, following a sort of free verse personification of myself into a fish in the first poem, and a bird in the second. A friend of mine filmed by performance of my bird poem, for those of you who are interested in hearing it.

(Please excuse the watermark on the video; I didn't want to pay for the software to remove it.)

Canadian Ladies

Earlier this semester I was fortunate to see one of my favorite groups perform in concert. Heather Masse, Nicky Mehta and Ruth Moody make up Canadian folk trio, The Wailin' Jennys. I've been a fan of folk music since my days in junior high. The Jennys offer their own blend of sounds with meaningful and heartfelt lyrics The multifaceted talent of these women (and their fiddler and mandolinist, Jeremy Penner) is displayed through a wide range of vocals (alto Heather, mezzo Nicky and soprano Ruth) as well as the guitar, harmonica, accordion, among other instruments.

The timelessness of the Jennys' music is evidenced in the words to their angelic music:

"Got a heart that opens clear in this cool September dark /It rests on treetop leaves /And bursts its little sparks /And sometimes it sings its songs /And it lets its secrets out /Except for one that sears inside /That it cannot live without /But if I tell you will you take it /Will you shine it up to me /Can you be strong to let me go on /And set this freedom free"

-"Ten Mile Stilts" from 40 Days

The Wailin' Jennys are true artists with a deep insight into the beauty of life.

Snow and Music

A few months back, I signed up to be a DJ for campus radio. Since that time, I have been searching to broaden my repertoire of music. Two talented women have recently made my playlist of lesser known, artistic music.

American harpist, pianist, singer-songwriter Joanna Newsom was suggested to me awhile back by a friend, but I hadn't discovered her beautifully bizzare music for myself until very recently.

Newsom's whimsical lyrics and eccentric voice make a unique sound that is very fresh and original. There is an element of wonderment in each of her songs.

We sailed away on a winter's day/With fate as malleable as clay/But ships are fallible, I say/And the nautical, like all things, fades and I/Can recall our caravel:/A little wicker beetle shell/With four fine maste and lateen sails/Its bearings on Cair Paravel

-"Bridges and Balloons" from The Milk-Eyed Mender

The wonderful world of Pandora introduced me to Canadian instrumentalist and singer-songwriter Basia Bulat.

Bulat's soulful voice versatilely compliments songs of sentiment as well as power. Her variety is impressive; both lighter folk sounds and faster, stronger music is found on her debut album, Oh, My Darling. In addition to her talent as a lyricist and vocalist, Bulat plays the guitar, dulcimer, ukelele, autoharp and piano, which she incorporates into her varied songs.

Both women are real artists of their medium, and I recommend them to anyone with a taste for music with a deeper meaning.